Flylady Thoughts and other things

I've left FlyLady. I'll give you a second to get over your sarcastic gasps. Ready? Good.

"But you said it works when you do it!" you might be thinking. Yes, I did. And it does. See, I've been doing what the FlyLady circle calls "fluttering" for the past few years without really being able to stick with it. But I trusted. Really. I didn't like to wear lace up shoes in the house, but I did. I didn't see a point to going to clean off certain things, but I did. I did all that stuff on and off. But I just couldn't stick with it. Sometimes I felt guilty, sometimes I felt talked down to, sometimes I was offended. Of course, FlyLady NEVER meant for me to take anything she ever said in that way. But that didn't stop me.

I started to really waiver when she said something in an email that took me back a few steps. I waivered a bit more when she announced that the emails are the backbone of her system (waaaay too many emails and mostly about testimonials and products that I don't need). The last straw came when she said something on facebook that really made me go "ALL STOP!"

Don't get me wrong. She's changed a lot of lives. She changed mine. I learned a lot that I'll be carrying with me, like using a timer (seriously, do it), noticing how one clean spot makes you want to clean more, beware of how clutter attracts clutter, and just letting things go. For that, I'll always thank her. But I think it's just not working for me and it's time for me to try something else. Maybe I'll be back. Maybe I won't. Maybe I've learned enough.

Now on to other things! Check out what Husband and I found at our local seafood market:
It's called Golden Crab, a cousin to the King Crabs. It's about $3-4 a pound in our area, and it is delish. And messy. REALLY messy.

So that's what we cooked, now look what we, as a family, built for this year's Pinewood Derby:
Sing it with me now! Doobie-doobie-doo-wah! It's Peeeerry! Perry the Derby Car! If you've got kids of a certain age, the song is now running through your head. You're welcome. But if you don't, this is Perry the Platypus, both pet and secret agent on the Disney show Phineas and Ferb. Don't you want to build one now? Come on. You know you do.

Speaking of off to other things, I believe I hear two baskets full of clean laundry that need to be folded calling me.

Habithate

Habithate: noun. A habit that makes you part of who you are, but annoy people who don't get it.

I love Crocs.

There. I said it.

Are you angry with me? I think most of the people who read this blog either have a pair themselves or don't give two flying flips if other people do. Or, they at least tolerate them. But some people hate them on levels that are unimaginable to my mind. Shoe-burning hatred. A hatred so deep that they not only don't want them themselves, they can't tolerate seeing anyone else wear them.

But why my love when others hate them so? Well, I can't find shoes that fit me right. Seriously. I've had one pair in the past several years that were awesome, but I've never been able to find another pair like them. I can't explain it. Maybe my feet are shaped funny or something.

My point is this: Crocs sort of mold to my feet. Therefore, they fit. Also, since as a mom of two young children I'm on my feet quite a lot, kneading bread, picking up toys, cleaning, so on and so forth, a pair of shoes that fit are extremely handy to have. So there.

For the rest of the world, that means sometimes you'll see me wear them when I pick my kids up from school, particularly if I'm in a rush. You may see me wear them when I run out to do an errand. You won't see me wear them in church, or to an important school function. They are merely my here-to-there-to-back-again shoes.

And I'm not getting rid of them.

But mostly, I don't get what makes people angry about them. Because they're ugly? I think neon colors are ugly, but they don't make me angry.

Balloon Man/Woman part II

Part I
Balloon Man/Woman: noun. A person that tries, at times repeatedly, to give your child something you don't want them to have.

Walking home from school with the boys. Tra-la-la-la-la. A grandmotherly woman, whom I have seen many times in my travels and never known to be anything but pleasant, stops on her way from the mailbox and watches us.

*Cue the Jaws music*

When we get to her, she asks, "Would the boys like some mechanical toys?"

"No," I politely say, "They tend to break mechanical things."

"Oh, they're just little mechanical dogs. They can't hurt them."

"Well, they're throwers, and--" (Here I was about to tell her about the remote control fire truck that broke the first day, but she interrupted by doing what happened next.)

She turned to my children and asked THEM.

Yeah, hi. Remember me? The mom? The mom that just TOLD YOU NO???

She ran off to get the dogs and brought them back to the kids and happily shows them how they work.

"I bought them for my dogs, but they know they're not real," she says.

I.am.pissed. But I am also pretty stunned and say nothing. She tries to hug me and laughs an apology. Not a real apology, mind you. A fake, "ha-ha get over it, this is no big deal" sort of apology.

Why would you do that? Why would you listen to me tell you no, but be so blatant as to disrespect me in front of my children? Especially when I DON'T KNOW YOU?

Ugh.

So now I have these stupid toy dogs that have long leashes on them. Did I mention my kids like to wrap things around their necks? No? Let me tell you that now. My kids like to wrap things around their necks.

I've hid them. I'm hoping they will forget about them and I can donate them at the first available moment.

Balloon Man/Woman

Balloon Man/Woman: noun. A person that tries, at times repeatedly, to give your child something you don't want them to have.

So, your child wants a specific toy. You tell them no for whatever reason (too dangerous, too expensive, not their birthday, not appropriate...), but, despite you not wanting your child to have that toy, a well-meaning but misguided relative or friend gets it for them anyway. You, understandably, are miffed.

Which brings me to today's story. You see, at our grocery store, they occasionally give out latex balloons to small children. That's a problem for us. With Viking Toddler being so young and still sometimes putting things in his mouth (latex balloons are huge choking hazards), we really don't want to have this particular kind of balloon around. Besides that, there is the problem of them waving them around in the car and fighting over them when they get home. Sometimes we let them have those multi-colored inflatable problems, but mostly not.

On Friday, we were standing together while an older gentleman bagged our groceries. He looked at Viking Toddler and asked, "Would you like a balloon? Ask your Daddy."

"No, thanks," Husband said.

"Are you sure?" the man pressed.

"No, that's OK," Husband replied.

And then the man, who seemed a bit irritated and confused by Husband's refusal, said, "He'll hate you later."

Or, maybe as his parents, we have a reason we are saying no, and next time you should ask US if you can give our child something.

Momfense

Momfense: noun. An action or word that makes a mom feel offended or that she needs to go on the defensive.

The other day a friend and I were idly chatting. I think I had mentioned something about Husband's job or degree when she said, "But you have your degree, too, right?"

I told her that yes, I did. (I have a bachelor's in English).

"I never understood why someone would spend that much money on education just to stay home," she replied.

Whoa. Back up a second. What did she just say to me? What is that supposed to mean?

I stammered something about staying home wasn't my original plan (it wasn't) and I may go back to work when the kids are in school (may or may not).

What I wish I had said was I don't think education is a waste of money and I am doing what is best for me and my family. That's how I really feel.

What is so curious is why I felt I had to defend my position at all. I wasn't angry as much I was mildly offended by the remark. To me, it was as if she was telling me that I had done a foolish thing by going to college if my plan was to be a stay-at-home mother. Sorry. Even if that had been the plan, I wouldn't trade my Shakespeare and poetry classes for the world.

Whynot Gadget

Whynot Gadget: noun. An item, gadget, or tool that has a function or feature that seems unnecessary or downright silly.

There is no way I couldn't blog about this. No way. It's just too silly.

I recently received some samples of the Gillette Venus Malibu razor. First I must say that it does a pretty decent job. Pretty much done in 1-2 passes. A little expensive at about $9 for a set of three (they are disposables), but decent. Cushioned, pivoting head and three blades. Nice.

And a scented handle.

Hang on. I'll give you a second.

OK, are you with me? Scented handle.

Some of you out there are saying, "Oh, neat!" But if you are like me, whose insanely logical engineer husband has rubbed off on them, you are saying, "Wait, what? What for?"

I just thought a scented handle was kind of silly. Is it going to leave a scent on your skin? No? Then what is it for?

So here's what I picture: Walking in to a room full of people who came up with the idea of the razor and asking them why they made that handle scented. I suspect I'd get one of two answers. One being, "To make it more appealing to women within the demographic of x and y," and the other simply being, "Why not?"

Guilty Innocence

Guilty Innocence: noun. Having the form of being innocent with some guilt attached.

OK, I really struggled with that definition. I would think that innocence is an adjective, but the dictionary says it's a noun. So we'll call it that. But what I mean by "guilty innocence" is knowing you are doing the right thing, even though there is some guilt involved.

Husband just finished our taxes and presented me with the paper to sign. Next to the place for my signature was the infamous "occupation" box. I hesitated. What do I write there? Is it domestic engineer? Housewife? Stay-at-home mom? I eventually settled on housewife and let that be the end of it.

You know, I don't really like the term "domestic engineer." There's something wrong about it, I think. I was reading Wikipedia one day, and came across this statement: "The euphemistic term 'domestic engineer' has gone out of favor, being seen by some as satirical, as if to give a sense of mock dignity to a role held in low esteem by the speaker." (Full article here.) Maybe that's it. It seems almost silly. Note, though, that I don't care if other people use the term. I just personally don't. (Remember 300 Roses when I said I don't care if other people make it? It's the same kind of thing.)

Which, in a round-about way that you should be used to by now, brings me to my point. I'm happy to stay home with my kids. Really. But when people ask if I work, it is almost painful to say no. I could say yes, being that I do actually work regardless of the fact that I don't get a paycheck, but somehow I don't think that kind of smart alec answer is going to get me anywhere.

So, after some reflection, I've come up with what I think is the reason why I feel a slight pang of guilt when I have to say that I don't have a "real" job. It's the fear that in the eyes of the asker I'm somehow not right. Like I might be lazy or just not living up to my potential. That realization is somehow freeing.

So now, I say it loud (or as loud as I can get on the internet): I'm a housewife. I'm a stay-at-home mom. I feel my job is very important and I am doing the best thing for my family!

Did you notice the italics on "my"? That's because I want you to notice that me staying at home is the best solution for my family, but is not necessarily for others. I recognize that there are a lot of factors that need to be considered in order for a parent to make that kind of big decision.

Non-Momma Commentary

Non-Momma Commentary: noun. A comment made by a non-mother that ends up being insulting, whether or not it was well intended.

I want to tell you about this article, uh, column I guess, that my sister sent me. You can find it here.

Go ahead and read it. It's short. I'll wait.

OK, you done? Good. Now lets discuss.

Are you insulted a little bit by the question? I guess the thing that bothered me the most is this: Is this the way non-moms view us SAHMs? Do they really think we sit around and eat bon-bons and watch soap operas while our children run wild and we just hope they don't kill themselves? Really?

I agree with what the columnist said (although I probably would have been a bit less snarky about it): When you are a parent, everything you do takes longer than it would a childless person. Shopping, dishes, library trips.

And as for "What do they do all day?" Well, my friends, the other day I was watching an episode of "Little House on the Prairie" on one of the Christian channels. Often, a man name Michael Guido comes on during the commercials and gives a quick little story that illustrates important life points. One day he told a rather amusing story that goes something like this:

A man asked his wife, "What do you do all day?" Some time later, he came home and was surprised by the state of his house. When he asked his wife what happened, she replied, "Now you know what I do all day, because I didn't do it."

Sadly, it's easier to see what a SAHM hasn't done than what she has.

Inclusively Exclude

Inclusively Exclude: verb. To try to include every child in everything, but sacrificing other valuable lessons in the process.

Husband has often said that giving everyone a trophy is not right and we are raising generations of children who grow up with a sense of entitlement. I really think there is some truth in this.

Monkey Son #1 was watching one of his children's shows today in which one character was trying to put together a baseball team. He was holding tryouts and trying to find the best players for his team. As he was holding the tryouts, he came across another character that was just awful. He never hit a ball. When he tried to throw, the ball went behind him. When he tried to catch, the ball hit him or went between his legs.

Obviously, the character holding the tryouts did not want this terrible player on his team. But what happens? The one putting the team together learns that everyone should always be included no matter what and it would hurt the player's feelings if he was not allowed to be on the team.

Excuse me? That is the lesson? Let me be perfectly clear. I am all for raising a child's self-esteem. I am not saying it is OK to exclude people on a whim. However, to allow people to do something just because they want to? You should always give people what they want or you may hurt their feelings? Sorry, but that is not the way the world works and we are doing our children a disservice by letting them think so.

So, the character putting the team together "learned" that it is only right to include everyone. But what did the player learn? Sadly, not a darn thing. No one told him that he should practice if he intends to get better. No one told him that he can work at his skills, then try out again later. No one told him that he really needs to work so that he can become a valuable member of the team. Instead, this is what happened: he tried out for the team and seemingly fully expected to be chosen. When he realized he wasn't, he walked around whining and crying about how he can't do anything right until he is finally allowed to be on the team.

What about dedication? What about building self-esteem and character through hard work? What about handling disappointment with some grace? The only thing I saw in this episode was teaching children that they should expect to always be included no matter what. Go ahead and give them their trophy now.

Overt Parent

Overt Parent: noun. Any parent who clearly shows how being a parent shapes their attitude, even when other people find it strange or irritating.

Every year, around Halloween, one of our local theme parks has a big celebration. And, every year, they run commercials for that celebration, but the commercials are grisly. I mean, really ghastly. I'm talking about guy tied to a bed as spikes fall from above him to impale him. Yes, that was in one of their commercials. You'd think you'd see these commercials at 10 or 11 o'clock at night, but no. We're talking like 3pm during family-friendly shows.

Now, I believe in free speech. If they want to make their commercials as horrifying as possible, well, that's their choice, and they no doubt want to make them very scary because it's a Halloween celebration. But to put them on during times when young children are not yet in bed, and during very tame shows? That one has me baffled.

So here's where I become just a little more annoying. After a few years of these commercials, Husband (who is pretty liberal but also is not a big fan of scrambling for the remote to change the channel when these commercials come on), suggested I file a complaint with the FCC. I'm not really one to file complaints of that sort, but...I did.

I told the FCC all about the commercials and that I just didn't like the fact that they aired so early in the day. The reply I received, though courteous and not condescending at all, explained that the company has free speech and they couldn't do anything unless more people complained, and I let the matter drop.

You see where I am an overt parent? Some people would tell me to just get over it. Others will probably totally understand, especially if they live in my area and have also dove for the remote to change the channel when these commercials come on (yes, they are that gruesome).

To me, and I know some will disagree, it's a matter of common courteousy , like not using foul language in a mixed group or not smoking in someone else's house. But...somehow, I really don't think they considered who would be watching during the times their commercials aired. I just wish they would.

Mommy Issue

Mommy Issue: noun. A parenting issue that parents argue over.

We've all heard those hot button topics that parents jump all over. Is it better for a mom to stay home or go to work? Vaccine on schedule, delayed, or not at all? Home birth or hospital birth?

It's tough in general to make parenting decisions when so many voices have our ear. No matter what we choose, some other parent will be against it. For instance, I'm a stay-at-home mom, because that's what's right for my family, and I recognize that it's not the solution for every person. However, I do bristle when someone says something like, "Don't you want to be a contributing member of society?" Oh, sorry. I didn't realize that I live in a cave.