Balloon Man/Woman: noun. A person that tries, at times repeatedly, to give your child something you don't want them to have.
Walking home from school with the boys. Tra-la-la-la-la. A grandmotherly woman, whom I have seen many times in my travels and never known to be anything but pleasant, stops on her way from the mailbox and watches us.
*Cue the Jaws music*
When we get to her, she asks, "Would the boys like some mechanical toys?"
"No," I politely say, "They tend to break mechanical things."
"Oh, they're just little mechanical dogs. They can't hurt them."
"Well, they're throwers, and--" (Here I was about to tell her about the remote control fire truck that broke the first day, but she interrupted by doing what happened next.)
She turned to my children and asked THEM.
Yeah, hi. Remember me? The mom? The mom that just TOLD YOU NO???
She ran off to get the dogs and brought them back to the kids and happily shows them how they work.
"I bought them for my dogs, but they know they're not real," she says.
I.am.pissed. But I am also pretty stunned and say nothing. She tries to hug me and laughs an apology. Not a real apology, mind you. A fake, "ha-ha get over it, this is no big deal" sort of apology.
Why would you do that? Why would you listen to me tell you no, but be so blatant as to disrespect me in front of my children? Especially when I DON'T KNOW YOU?
So now I have these stupid toy dogs that have long leashes on them. Did I mention my kids like to wrap things around their necks? No? Let me tell you that now. My kids like to wrap things around their necks.
I've hid them. I'm hoping they will forget about them and I can donate them at the first available moment.