Glitter Pop

Glitter Pop: verb.  When a child that is way too young bursts his/her parents' bubble when it comes to Santa, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc.

Walking home from school this morning (yes, school.  If we homeschool, it won't be until next year), Little Viking (who is 5-years-old and not yet in school) told me that he wishes it was still Christmas time.

"But we have other holidays coming up," I said.  "Like Easter.  Should the Easter Bunny bring Easter cookies again this year?"

Viking Toddler replied, in a very calm, and matter-of-fact tone, "Mom, the Easter Bunny isn't real."

*face palm*

"What do you mean?  You don't believe in the Easter Bunny?" I asked.

"No," he said.  "He's not real."

"Why do you think that?  Where did you learn that?"

"I recognized the shapes of the cookies.  I think you made them," he said.  No emotion, just stating a fact.  He might as well have said the sky is blue.

I could take a couple of roads here.  I could flat out lie and say, "But he is real!"  Or, I could ignore his question, or, I could say, "Yes, you're right."  I took the latter.

"Ok, you got me.  I did make the cookies.  The Easter Bunny is just a fun story that we tell kids around Easter.  Just don't tell your brother."

He was OK with knowing for a fact that the Easter Bunny isn't real.  He's OK with knowing that it is just a story.  What confused him is why he shouldn't tell.

"He wants to believe, so let him," I answered.

This had gone over the philosophical line.  He started muttering and wondering out loud why it could possibly be a bad thing to tell his brother a fact.

I see trouble coming.

January 1st, 2012

Some resolutions that I will try (mwah haha!) to keep:

-Reach for some herbal tea, yoga, and meditation before/instead of reaching for the ibuprofen.
-Let my kids get dirty more often and look at little irritations (dumping out toys, running through the house, etc.) as just kids being kids. No biggie.
-Be on time in the morning so I don't have to yell, "Let's go! We're late!" at the kids.
-Meditate (the relaxation kind) at least twice a week.
-Lose 20 pounds. Well, at least 15.
-Get back to daily Bible reading. (Didn't know I was religious? Surprise. I am.)
-Flylady, Flylady, Flylady. I'm actually thinking about adding a new section, Fridays with Flylady to the blog. Thoughts?

New Year's resolutions are funny things, aren't they? We get two simultaneous messages.

1. New Year's resolutions are traditional, so you must make them!
2. But no one ever keeps them, so don't try!

I'm going to try to keep these. Really. I think I'm going to post them somewhere in my house.

In 2012, what are you going to really, really try to do?

Merry Chirstmas to all, and to all... put a smile on, for goodness sake!

I haven't come up with a word for what I'm proposing yet, however I suppose it could go under the Holinsanity category.

Yesterday (that would be the day before Christmas Eve), Husband, the boys, and I all went out to the grocery store and Target for a couple of last minute items (uh, yeah, like all the stuff for Christmas dinner that we hadn't bought yet).

Anyway, the grocery store was packed. Not only was it full of people, it was full of angry people. I'm sure I would have found the same at Target if I had ventured out of the first aid/cleaning supplies section.

Why, for the love of all things, are people so darn angry at Christmas? It could be the extra money that people "need" to spend, but I don't think that's it. The crowds? I think that's more likely. Husband himself has said many times that he hates Christmas for that very reason.

But back to my story, which is more disjointed and rambling than usual. I was helping Husband gather the last minute things at the grocery store, and it's amazing how many people had scowls on their faces and acted like you are in their way. Like somehow, you, personally, have completely ruined their Christmas by the mere act of being in the same building as them. So while some of the people were happy to say, "Excuse me," and "I bet your pardon," and smile, most looked like they were about to hit you in the face with a baseball bat.

Crowds aren't fun. I get that. But consider this: everyone is just trying to do the same thing as everyone else. Everyone just wants to get in, get what they need, and go home. Anger over an uncontrollable situation just makes it worse.

So here's my proposal: This year, I will try to remain nice and cheery, even in the face of crowds. I will remember that we are all trying to do the same thing. I will smile, even when others look like they are about to pull out their bats.

As Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Not to mention all the versus on encouraging each other.

Will you join me?

Dafter

Dafter: noun. The day after any sort of tiring event.

Today is the dafter of Halloween. Fun? Yes. Adorable? Certainly. Tiring? Oh-my-freaking-goodness-I-need-a-nap.

After I took the kids trick-or-treating, I stayed up late watching a movie and generally goofing off. I am so, so, SO sorry I did that. I have at this moment been up for 4 hours and have yet to actually wake up.

Chocolate didn't help.

Tea didn't help.

Maybe I can convince Viking Toddler to take a nap so I can, too.

Holinsanity Part II

Part I here.

Holinsanity: noun. The particular type of insanity people, especially parents, get around the holidays.

Christmas Eve at the grocery store. It was a surprisingly smooth shopping trip all things considered. I expected there to be a bit more holinsanity than there was, but we've seen worse on other non-holiday related days (parking carts in the middle of aisles, rude people acting like everyone else is in their way and they should be first in everything...)

In short, everything was fine until we got to the check out line. I stood by the back of the cart with the kids, while Husband stood at the front and unloaded groceries onto the belt. There was a woman in front of us with just a couple of items. Husband took one of those plastic dividers and placed it behind her items, and then started putting ours on the other side of the divider.

OK, no problem so far.

I was staring off into space when I heard Husband say something that sounded both friendly and annoyed.

I looked up. He was smiling a big, warm smile at the woman and I was absolutely confused. The words didn't match the face. What just happened?

I drifted back into waiting mode. A few moments later, all of our items were on the belt, and I heard the woman say, "See, you got them all on after all."

Huh...

When we got out to the car, I asked Husband about what had happened between him and the woman in front of us. Apparently, she thought our items were too close to hers and repeatedly forced ours backwards to increase the distance and had only made the situation worse by making rude comments to Husband, thus the friendly-yet-annoyed comment.

I've been trying to figure out what would be the purpose in doing this repeatedly. Have yet to come up with a good answer.

Eclectic Christmas Tree

Eclectic Christmas Tree: noun. A Christmas tree on which the ornaments don't go together in any way.

I'm sitting here tonight looking at our unlit Christmas tree. In case you are wondering, it's unlit because the outlet is being used so that we can watch a movie. I'll plug it back in tomorrow. Two outlets on one wall, or even anywhere near each other, are unheard of at our house. But, as usual, I digress.

This brings me to my point. Who out there has a Christmas tree where the ornaments actually match each other? You know how you go in the department stores and you see the spectacular (and over-achieving) trees with ornaments that coordinate perfectly? Does your tree look like that? I don't mean you have a set of ornaments, I mean more like you only have that one set, or that set is balanced by another brilliantly matched set. Not judging, really. No, really, not judging. Just curious.

Me? Somehow I don't think the plush yellow duck that reads "baby's first Christmas" match the silver "unbreakable"* balls or the ceramic blue teardrop-shaped ornament. But that's my tree.

*Unbreakable, huh? We'll see about that. My kids don't back down from a challenge.

Happy Halloween!

Or for those who don't do Halloween, Happy Harvest! Or, Happy Fall!

Did you know their are not one, but two vampires at Philosopher Child's school? He told me so. It's true...or so I've heard. See what happened is there are these two kindergarteners...

Kindergartener Richard* claims that kindergartener Peter* turned him into a vampire. It must be true, because one of them has pointy teeth, says Philosopher Child.

Husband and I have told him over and over that they're not vampires. Made no effect. So finally I said, "But he comes out in the daytime. He can't be a vampire."

"No," said Philosopher Child. "He can because he goes to school."

Well, there you go. If you are a vampire and want to be out in the daytime, you must be enrolled in school.

*Names have been changed to protect the questionably innocent.

A Silly Scary Story for Your Silly Scary Monsters

Halloween is just around the corner. Some of us parents take our kids Trick-or-Treating, some plan some sort of group activity, and some ignore the day all together. No matter what you do, I think you'll enjoy telling this little tale to your monsters. I'll be honest, this tale must have been around for some time. I heard it as a child. I told other children. A quick Google search tells me that there are many different versions of this story. Here is the one I heard, as I remember it.

The Purple Gorilla

Once there was a man [I'll call him Steve, but you can call him whatever you want. The name just makes the telling easier. You can use "I" here if you prefer. Anyway...] Steve was driving along the road one evening, when his car broke down. He looked up and noticed it was about to storm, and so set out to find a place where he could spend the night.

[When I first heard this story, it was long before the cell phones were common.]

Steve walked through several fields, and jumped a few fences, and after a while, he came to a large house. He knocked on the door, and a man answered.

"Hi," said Steve. "My car broke down. I was wondering if I can spend the night here?"

"Sure," said the man in the house. "But I must ask you not to touch my purple gorilla."

Confused, Steve said, "What's a purple gorilla?"

"I'll show you," said the man.

The man took Steve down a flight of stairs into the basement. They passed through a regular wooden door. Then a thick wooden door. Then a thin metal door. Then a thick metal door. On the other side of the thick metal door was a huge cage, and in that cage was a massive purple gorilla.

"What happens if I touch the purple gorilla?" Steve asked.

"Just don't touch the purple gorilla," replied the man.

That night, as Steve was lying in bed, he just kept thinking about the purple gorilla. Finally, curiosity got the best of him. He crept down to the basement, and went through the regular wooden door. Then the thick wooden door. Then the thin metal door. Then the thick metal door. And finally to the gorilla. He reached out a hand and touched the gorilla. The gorilla flew into a rage and tore out of his cage.

Steve ran out all the doors, out of the house, across the fields, over the fences, back to his car and locked himself in. But the purple gorilla was right behind him! The purple gorilla reached out and ripped the top of the car off. He reached in towards Steve, laid his hand on him, and yelled--

"TAG! YOU'RE IT!"

Happy 4th!

Good morning, everyone, and Happy 4th of July! I hope everyone has a fantastic day and has the day off of work.

We've been trying to figure out what to do with our day, but unfortunately what we can do is limited by crowds and some insane mosquitoes. Just walking outside right now is an invitation for the local insect population and their three hundred closest friends to make you a three course meal.

That being said, so far we're spending the morning by watching 1776. If you've never seen it, it's quite good. A sort of musical comedy/drama about how the Declaration of Independence came about, following rather snotty John Adams, lovelorn but brilliant Thomas Jefferson, and the ever (in)sane Ben Franklin.

And now to figure out whether we'll go see fireworks, go to the zoo, go to the beach, or do nothing at all.

Happy Fathers Day!

I hope all of you remember to thank the special men in your life today, whether they are your actual father, father figure, father of your children, or eventually-will-be father of your children.

I want to thank Husband for being a wonderful husband to me and an excellent father to our children. The original version of this post had a big list of all the things I appreciate about him, but I didn't want to embarrass him.

Instead, I'll simply say thank you, Husband. I love you. Happy Fathers Day.

Preschool Personify

Preschool Personify: verb. Personification (granting human qualities to) by a preschooler.

A few days ago was Monkey Son #1's birthday. He is now a whopping 5 years old! He had been asking to have a picnic for the longest time and I just hadn't done it, although all he wanted was to eat lunch in the yard. His birthday, I decided, would be the perfect day.

But then came a really big, really nasty line of storms. There goes the picnic. Oh, look, isn't the radar decorated in pretty colors today! Oh, and some tornado warnings. Nice.

Monkey Son #1 started asking about tornadoes. He thought that you could shoot a tornado, and then it would be dead. End of story. I explained to him that tornadoes are made of wind and dust and such, so you really can't kill it. He indicated that he understood.

Later, he decided that police would be able to shoot the tornado when it comes near, and that would be that. I again told him that tornadoes are made of wind, and are therefore not alive. You can't kill something that is not alive.

I'm still not sure he believes me.

Happy Easter!

I'd just like to take a moment to wish everyone a happy Easter. For the Christian moms (and dads? Do I have any dad readers?) you of course know that Easter is the day we celebrate God raising Christ from the dead.

Now, here's the fun: explaining really complicated ideas of Christianity to a 4-year-old (that would be Monkey Son #1). He gets that Christmas is when we celebrate Jesus's* birthday. On Good Friday I explained to him that it is the day when we celebrate Jesus's death, and how later God made Jesus alive again. The why, though, I think still escapes him.

Today I told him that it is Easter.

"And what's Easter?" I asked.

"It's when Jesus died," he told me. OK, close. Let's see if we can follow that up.

"And?" I asked.

"And God made him alive again!"

That's my boy. Mommy's so proud of you.

Happy Easter, everyone!


*Yes, it is 's, not s'. It is always 's if the noun is singular, even if it ends with s. Just in case you were wondering. Spell check was arguing with me.

Resolute-tion

Resolute-tion: noun. A New Years resolution that a person is absolutely determined to achieve, regardless of whether or not they have attempted it before.

We know the resolution thing, don't we? We're going to lose 10 pounds or finally get that novel published. For this post, I wanted a word that was more than a mere resolution, but something more serious sounding. OK, I'm not all that good with serious, but still...

So, here are my resolute-tions:
1. Make better use of my journal. It's there. It's been there a while. But I really want to use it more. I pulled out my journal and saw that on 1/1/06, I had made that same resolution. Oops.

2. Lay off the junk food. I really want to get back down to where I was before my first pregnancy. I have a while to go.

3. Spend more real quality time with my kids. Not that I don't spend any with them now, but they could always use more.

4. Prioritize and organize. That one is too complicated for me to explain without boring you.

So, do you have an resolute-tions this year? Feel free to post in the comment section.

Guest Entry: Wiz-Dumb

Wiz-dumb: noun. The type of parenting "wisdom" or advice an outside person gives a parent, though the parent thinks the advice itself is worthless.

Thanks to mommy Brenda for sending in this word and story.

Brenda's family never puts up a Christmas tree because they are not home for Christmas, but there is generally one where she and her family go for the holidays. This year they are bringing with them an 11 month old and she is concerned about the baby playing with the Christmas tree. When she brought this up to her relatives, she was told, "Don't worry. If he gets around the tree, we'll just tell him 'no'."

(For those of you who aren't parents, you can't tell an 11 month old "no" and expect it to have a lasting effect. You can't just tell him once and that be it. He will still need heightened supervision to keep him away from the tree. I can't even keep my 16 month old away from mine.)

Christmas Layout

I've loaded a layout for Christmas, but I'm not sure if I love it. I'll leave it up until Christmas unless you all don't like it, at which point I'll change to the old style.

Holinsanity

Holinsanity: noun. The particular type of insanity people, especially parents, get around the holidays.

The other day I was watching the Office (the American version with Steve Carell). In the beginning of the episode, Dwight researches what toy will be most popular that year and slowly buys out that toy from all of the area stores. Then, as Christmas creeps closer, he sells the toys to desperate parents and makes a huge profit. Despite paying $200 for a rather freaky looking doll, the parents go away completely thrilled and thanking Dwight for his help.

There's not much of a chance I'm going to spend $200 for a $15 toy even if it is the hottest toy of the season. OK, I admit Monkey Son #1 is getting an in-demand pirate ship, but I didn't kill myself trying to get it, either.

In a semi-related story, Younger Sister decided to go out to the early morning Black Friday sales. She explained that when you only have a certain amount to spend, you want to get the best deal you can. She was out the door at about 4am. Although she came back very happy with her purchases and the small amount she paid for them, she did tell me people were being crazy. She was told that before she arrived at a particular store, people were arguing and saying things like, "Just because you're fat doesn't mean you get to go first." Merry Christmas to you, too, I suppose.

Shape Mistake

Shape Mistake: noun. The mistake a child makes when confusing one object with another because of the similar shapes.

Monkey Son #1 and I were making an Advent Calender out of construction paper. We made a Christmas tree and some little paper ornaments with numbers on them with the idea that we put up one ornament per day until Christmas. What confused me, though, was that when Monkey Son #2 saw the ornaments on the table, he went up to them and seemed to want one, saying "Fank oo (Thank you)."

I didn't know why he wanted one, but I gave him one that had not been colored. Again he said, "Fank oo," and toddled off. When he was a few steps away, he stopped and tried to take a bite. He pulled back out of his mouth immediately when he realized it was not a ginger snap.

Holiday Time Warp

Holiday Time Warp: noun. The strange yet common situation of losing several weeks or months of time upon walking into a store.

So, the holidays are just around the bend. You're trying to keep your child away from their Halloween costume so they don't ruin it before trick-or-treating. Several family member started hounding you at the end of September, wanting to know who's house you are going to for Thanksgiving. Maybe you are even still struggling with getting your kids to finish their homework and get up in time for school, and if that's not enough, stores want to remind you that Christmas is just around the corner.

Husband, Monkey Boys, and I went to our local Home Depot the other day to look at plants. We turned down the aisle that would lead us to the outdoor garden center and there they were. Christmas trees. Ornaments. Outdoor electronic Santas. What happened? We weren't even half way through October. I turned to Husband and said, "We lost two months by coming in the door."

Overt Parent

Overt Parent: noun. Any parent who clearly shows how being a parent shapes their attitude, even when other people find it strange or irritating.

Every year, around Halloween, one of our local theme parks has a big celebration. And, every year, they run commercials for that celebration, but the commercials are grisly. I mean, really ghastly. I'm talking about guy tied to a bed as spikes fall from above him to impale him. Yes, that was in one of their commercials. You'd think you'd see these commercials at 10 or 11 o'clock at night, but no. We're talking like 3pm during family-friendly shows.

Now, I believe in free speech. If they want to make their commercials as horrifying as possible, well, that's their choice, and they no doubt want to make them very scary because it's a Halloween celebration. But to put them on during times when young children are not yet in bed, and during very tame shows? That one has me baffled.

So here's where I become just a little more annoying. After a few years of these commercials, Husband (who is pretty liberal but also is not a big fan of scrambling for the remote to change the channel when these commercials come on), suggested I file a complaint with the FCC. I'm not really one to file complaints of that sort, but...I did.

I told the FCC all about the commercials and that I just didn't like the fact that they aired so early in the day. The reply I received, though courteous and not condescending at all, explained that the company has free speech and they couldn't do anything unless more people complained, and I let the matter drop.

You see where I am an overt parent? Some people would tell me to just get over it. Others will probably totally understand, especially if they live in my area and have also dove for the remote to change the channel when these commercials come on (yes, they are that gruesome).

To me, and I know some will disagree, it's a matter of common courteousy , like not using foul language in a mixed group or not smoking in someone else's house. But...somehow, I really don't think they considered who would be watching during the times their commercials aired. I just wish they would.