Saturday, January 19, 2013

Confessions of a Possible Homeschooler: the Conclusion

Today, Husband and I finished up our discussions about homeschooling.  I requested that he allow me to try for a year, and if at any time he thinks it's not going well, I would place the children back in school.  He voiced some concerns and I was immediately disheartened.  I wasn't disheartened because I was worried about my ability, but because the concerns he had could not be answered without actually trying homeschooling.  I knew, deep down, he was going to say no.  I know, in theory, I could just do it anyway, but I don't want to.  Unless we are both in total agreement, I don't even want to start homeschooling because I want to have his support.  He agreed that I shouldn't start next year because he couldn't, at this point in time, give me his full support.  He had too many reservations, among them being that he thought Little Viking should at least try public school and see how it goes.  For now, we are putting away all the research and possibly revisiting it at a later time.  Like, a year or more.

I'm not going to say I'm not disappointed.  In fact, I'm heartbroken.  I did not want to deal with public school for another year.  I don't want the hours and hours of research I put into this issue to be wasted.  I don't want to the several people that helped me through this and pointed me to fantastic information to have wasted their time.  And most of all, I don't want my children to be stuck in classrooms being drilled with standardized tests and Reading Counts.  The way schools are now feels wrong to my mother's heart.

EDIT: I know there are a few people waiting for both of my kids to be in school so they can start putting me into more volunteer positions at the school.  I don't think I'm ready for that.  I told Husband that so many of them think I'm homeschooling next year now, and I'm not going to correct them right now.  I told him, flat out, that I was going to allow them to continue to think that I'll be missing next year so that I won't be pushed into anything yet.

"Nothing has been decided," he said matter-of-factly.

I was very surprised by his statement.  As of yesterday afternoon, he was fixed on putting the kids in public school again next year.  Well, again for Philosopher Child, but the first time for Little Viking.

At this point, I'm exhausted with the whole thing.  I still want to homeschool, but I can't without his full support.  We're back to where we started.  We don't know what we are doing next year and can't move forward with any idea at this point.  Honestly, I'm feeling rather defeated.

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