Keyser

Keyser: noun. A person who through clumsiness or carelessness breaks or loses objects, particularly, but not limited to keys.

You guessed it. This morning, my keys were unaccounted for. I checked my purse. The table. The kitchen counter. My jacket. I even shook out the sheets looking for them...which reminds me. I should probably make the bed. I eventually found them in my raincoat. I had forgotten that it had been raining yesterday.

But my haplessness with small objects is not limited to keys. I've lost my wedding ring in the washing machine. Twice. (Although that doesn't happen any more since we now have a front loader, and I wear my engagement ring, which holds my wedding band where it should be: on my finger, not tumbling around in the towels.)

The other day, I was cleaning out the boys' humidifier. I planned to wash it out, dry it, and put it away. As you may have guessed it, yes. Crash. I dropped the water reservoir, full of water, into the tub. Now we need a new humidifier.

Last night, I sat with Husband watching TV. I was drinking a cup of truly fantastic tea in a clear glass mug that Husband bought me for my birthday, along with a new tea pot and quite a bit of tea. Now, I usually don't wear my wedding and engagement rings in the house because I'm generally doing housework and I don't want to damage or lose them. But last night I was. I was absently toying with the handle of the cup when I felt my engagement ring slide across the surface of the side of the cup. Now, for those of you who don't know, diamonds and glass are not friends. Though the diamond on my heirloom engagement ring is pretty small, it is no less of a real diamond. I had gouged a chip out of the side of the cup. Oh-freaking-darn-it. I liked that cup.

At this point, you may be wondering how I function every day with two kids, a dog, and a husband. I'll tell you...I have no idea. But apparently my particular brand of nonsense is hereditary. The school nurse called about an hour ago to tell me Philosopher Child shut his finger in a door. Well, he is his mommy's child.