Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Skittles the Ninja Grasshopper

I will mess you up
I was walking Philosopher Child home from school a few weeks ago and we decided to take the scenic
route through the walking trail that leads almost directly to our street.  Philosopher Child noticed a baby Eastern Lubber grasshopper.  He had kept and cared for a few Eastern Lubber grasshoppers for several months the year before.  He picked up this new, immature grasshopper, but the body is softer and much smaller than the adult counterpart.  He tried to hold it by the body as gently as he could.  It immediately began squirming and spitting and kicking.  Philosopher Child dropped Skittles-who-was-not-yet-named-Skittles at least three times onto the pavement on the way home.  Seriously, guys and gals, it's amazing the thing lived to arrive at our house.

Once home, Philosopher Child wrangled it in to his bug catcher, gave it some lettuce and water, and left it alone to acclimate.

A few days later, his teacher gave him permission to bring the grasshopper to class during the last few days of school.  His teacher is pretty fabulous that way.  She's all for exploration and discovery.  There may have been Mentos and soda involved in her class recently, but you didn't hear it from me.

Anyway, I casually asked Philosopher Child if he had named the grasshopper.  He said he hadn't.  Little Viking came along and helpfully volunteered that Skittles was a good name for a grasshopper.  And voilĂ .  Philosopher Child agreed that Skittles is, in fact, an excellent name for a grasshopper.

Before Philosopher Child was due to take Skittles on a class visit, I told him to take him out of the bug catcher and hold him while I wiped down his home.  Philosopher Child was afraid he'd injure the little guy and oh-so-helpfully put him on the dining table so he could run around.  *Facepalm*  But it was here that Skittles showed his true colors.

Skittles is no ordinary grasshopper.

Skittles is a ninja grasshopper.

You see, when Philosopher Child tried to put Skittles back in the bug catcher, Skittles reacted rather violently.  Well, violently for a grasshopper.  He spit like he was projecting hydrochloric acid-laced throwing stars.  He totally wasn't, but it seemed like the thought he was.  Then he picked up his back legs and started to kick at everything that came near him ninja style.  I am completely serious.  He looked like a tiny, black and yellow, angry version of Mantis from Kung Fu Panda.  If you gave him some nunchucks or a miniature staff, he may be able to do some serious damage to your finger.

He's not even full grown yet.  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.

1 comment:

Bridal lehenga said...

Great site man! I wish I would have found it much sooner :) Anyway, keep up the killer job dude! bro man!