Guest Entry: Men-gineering

After a couple of bad health weeks, I'm back. The worst of it was when Monkey Son #1 got to take his first ambulance ride late at night. But more on that in the next post.

Momma Brenda sent this fabulous word and entry in for the Mom-tionary.

"Men-gineering n.—The engineering attempts by who we can only assume is a team of men in an attempt to improve the operations of gadgets and machines women use every day."

"I know that there are several examples of this but the one that prompted me to post this is my oven. For some reason it is designed to turn off when the timer goes off! Now there is no woman in her right mind who would engineer an oven to do such a goofy thing. I mean how many recipes call for baking for 30 min at 350 covered and remove cover and top w/ cheese and continue to bake for 15 min? Or how about baking cookies?! Who wants to turn the oven back on every time a pan of cookies is done?!"

Thanks, Brenda! We all sympathize, I'm sure! Even Husband thought that was a stupid design, and he is an engineer. Sadly, he doesn't design ovens.

Anybody else out there have any men-gineering mishaps? I know I have.

Guest Entry: Hanitizer

Hanitizer: noun. Short for hand sanitizer.

Thanks to Kristin for this great word!

My friend Kristin and I took our families on a zoo trip. Picture it: birds that land on you. Deer you can feed. Children that are falling and their hands are landing in the ickiest places on the walkway possible. Giraffes that are not shy and have really big tongues. (Seriously. They suck these weird giraffe crackers right out of your hand. It is the most awesome and strangest thing.)

She was smart enough to be packin' hanitizer. I was not. Thankfully, she shared.

Guest Entry: Wiz-Dumb

Wiz-dumb: noun. The type of parenting "wisdom" or advice an outside person gives a parent, though the parent thinks the advice itself is worthless.

Thanks to mommy Brenda for sending in this word and story.

Brenda's family never puts up a Christmas tree because they are not home for Christmas, but there is generally one where she and her family go for the holidays. This year they are bringing with them an 11 month old and she is concerned about the baby playing with the Christmas tree. When she brought this up to her relatives, she was told, "Don't worry. If he gets around the tree, we'll just tell him 'no'."

(For those of you who aren't parents, you can't tell an 11 month old "no" and expect it to have a lasting effect. You can't just tell him once and that be it. He will still need heightened supervision to keep him away from the tree. I can't even keep my 16 month old away from mine.)

Guest entry: Flump

Flump: noun. Refers to the lumps and bumps at the toes of your socks that pinch little toes when put into shoes.

Brenda, another mom, sent in this word and definition. She adds, "I spent more time chasing flumps when Dylan was a toddler 'til he was about 6. By the way, Joe Boxer and Payless Shoes brand socks are virtually frump free."

I'm really tickled at this. I remember hating the feeling made by the seam at the end of the sock and would pull the toes of my socks up, and the left and right sides toward the center to avoid the "flumps" made by the seam. You know, I have no idea if I still do that. If I do, I don't think about it. I'll have to pay attention next time I put my sneakers on.

Guest Entry: Sleep Action

Sleep Action: noun. The set of actions a young child does during sleep, including but not limited to walking and talking.

A mom friend of mine, Kristin, sent this in:

Camden (6) sleepwalks whenever he has to pee. He gets up and wanders the house holding "himself". We tell him to go to the bathroom and like one of those remote control toys that automatically changes direction when it hits the wall, every time we say his name he changes direction. It's really quite hilarious because his eyes are open and one would THINK he is awake.

One particular night, he is up wandering and after several verbal attempts, I have to get off the couch and point him in the direction of the bathroom. As he is peeing, he starts to sob. My 6yo is rather mature and tears don't come easily for him, so I head to the bathroom and meet him in the hallway. I bend down and ask him what's wrong.

"Hamene the mthemen thahame hamenaje." Said son is prone to mumble so I remind him to speak up and ask again why he is crying. I get the same unintelligible answer. I say "You aren't saying any real words to me. Do you even know why you are crying?" (as now I am surpressing a giggle). He says "No!" So I tell him to go to bed and he does. Had no recollection of it in the morning although he did laugh hysterically at himself. At least he didn't walk past the toilet to pee in the trash can this time... :)

Guest Entry: Poo-Poo Padoo

Poo-Poo Padoo: noun. Any sort of catastrophe involving poop.

Toni, a mommy friend of mine, sent this in:

"I was talking to my SIL [sister-in-law] on the phone and she thought her dog was dying (so it was a pretty serious conversation-dog was ok though :) and cooking spagetti. Jacob (3) runs in covered in poo... As I follow the "trail" back to the toilet, the bathroom was covered in about a 3 ft radius of the toilet.... Oh and the baby was crying too, lol. Poo explosions are never fun, but accompanied by all the other events, this one was memory worthy, lol!"

When Monkey Son #1 was about 18 months or so, a poo-poo padoo ended with me getting rid of our diaper pail. He was playing in his room, and when I went to check on him, he had managed to pull a poopy diaper out of the diaper pail and smear poop everywhere. I think from then on, poopy diapers went into a plastic bag and into the regular trash.

Now that we have Monkey Son #2 and use cloth diapers, we have another diaper pail, but it is kept in the bathroom, instead of their room.

Guest Entry: Kool-Aid Kaboom

Kool-Aide Kaboom: noun. A sticky gooey mess that extends in a 5ft radius around the location a 9yo made Kool-Aid and the proceeding clueless-ness of said mess.

It's a rough time for parents. You know that you need to let your kids do things for themselves, but you also know that when you do, a huge mess will come of it. Still, you have to let your kids learn.

Today's definition was sent to me by another mom named Brenda, with the accompanying story:

My 9yo son loves kool-aid and likes to make it himself. Every time he makes it he manages to make this huge sticky mess...on the counter, the floor, the refrigerator...basically everything in about a 5ft radius of the area of preparation. So how he can manage this mess is a mystery...but to me the even bigger mystery is his that he is completely oblivious to the mess. I tell him to clean it up...and while his feet are sticking to the floor and there is fruit colored spots all over the counter he just says "Where...what mess?"

That's almost as good as when, earlier today, when I asked Monkey Son #1 to pick up his toys, he picked up a couple, then said, "You get the rest."

Guest entry: Try-So-Hard

Try-So-Hard: noun. An action by a young child which they work very hard on, but doesn't work out. Adults think it is amusing, but to laugh would upset the child.

Another fantastic mommy blogger, Jessica, tells me of her son, Timmy, who accidentally spilled a bowl of dry cereal. She told him to clean it up, and he was doing a fairly decent job, but when he was almost done, he again knocked the bowl over with his foot. He seemed shocked, and she had to stifle a laugh and calmly tell him to try again.

Guest Word: Boyiku

Guest Word: Boyiku: noun. An amusing haiku written by a child.

My wonderful friend Brenda shared this story with me, and I thought I would share it with you. Apparently, her son needed to write a haiku as an assignment, and came up with something very amusing. Here's what he wrote:

Outside thar is rain
and a deadly tornado
and lots of lightning